this year rthough! ewww

so about this year so far...Im not feeling it. Gotta be out of the house by the 30th which I guess is a blessing in disguise cause I didnt wanna be there anyway. I heard from "the ex" aka CJ thats new again and then nothing again for 4 days and counting. Im really just thru! I dont wanna be an afterthought. I've always had that problem because I put my all into ppl when they put their all into me if Im an option to you then just assume Im pretending when we speak and you're an option to me. i want to settle down im ready for a family and a husband just to be real. i'm too old to be doing friends with benefits and boytoys now. If we're friends who have sex occasionally then thats all it is Im done being in love with men who arent in love with me. I want someone who owns my heart not just renting. speaking of which Freddy has been on point lately he's been there for me throughout this whole thing and oddly enough we went to a movie together a few days ago which is more than we've done and closer than we've been in 7 years. It makes me see him in a totally different light. There are more important things in life. Like finding somewhere to live and paying for my daughters birthday party. Im changing gyms too just ready for a change in my life Im not young wild and free anymore but it doesnt mean my life is over its just time for me to grow up...