Attention

Why is it the one man I want attention from doesnt seem to have the time to give it to me? Ru has a lot going on and when I say alot I mean like finding out he has a 1 year old daughter kinda stuff yet he found the time to text me and let me know he was thinking about me and would like to see me after Christmas and other things calm down. Still not trusting Kareem highly doubt I'll fall for that again. But damn if Freddy still hasnt contacted me with the exception of a late night text around 2am the other day. WTF I just want him but it seems like he wants me in the arms of someone else...

12/22/11 dont wanna start a new year like this

Soooo didn't hear from Kareem today...not really surprised and to be honest Jay wouldn't be surprised either I told u I didn't trust him. Also haven't heard from Freddy it's like I get all the love in the world from him at other times I get none at all. If your life makes you too busy for me maybe u just don't need me in your life. All I ask for is a simple text or call so i know you're thinking about me if I don't get that and I can't get that y should i waste time with you. Anyway I spent the morning with j and that was nice. It was nice to be able to just relax and chill I wish I could have those kinda days with someone who loves me.

So update I haven't heard from freddy since last week he has been out of town but that's no excuse how long does it take to pick up a phone and send a text and ru haasnt spoken to me since got home from deployment it was only 2 weeks once again how long does it take to send a text? At least to let me know I'm on your mind gibby honest I think I'm the last thing on their minds... kareem has been trying extra hard lately but I still don't quite trust him and for good reason... I'm not ready to give up on ready yet I just want him to understand where I'm coming from. Jay and I are finally forming a good friendship not a friends with benefits just a good friendship and that feels nice I trust him with everything just not my heart LOL. I Don't think I care what happens with these guys anymore I have other things to focus on. Good or bad things to come I'm not sure but I guess will just wait and see...goodnight _@

Sooo I know I talk a lot of shit but I'm thoroughly confused
Here's the deal Ru is interested in getting to know me better, Freddy says he loves me and God knows he has my heart, and I see Jay for who is so I'm still decoding my future relationship with him. Now Kareem calls. And asked if I'd consider being with him this is too much so I'm gonna let fate be the judge and whoever I'm supposed to be with I will
I can't stress it anymore but I would like some good sex soon so I'm gonna need whoever he is to hurry up lmao

late night

Been alone in my bed for the past couple nights... can't really decide whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's like I want someone here but I want the right 1 here. And right now I just don't know who that is but maybe 1 day something will show me. By the way I have not heard from anybody else I was talking to other then ru and Jay. I guess freddy finally gave up on the facade to be honest I don't think he ever really loved me I think both of us were just in love with the idea of love

is it me?

Sometimes you think people care more about u than they actually do. Love has never done me anything but wrong...starting to wonder if its more me not them? Questions comments all are welcome

Jay and I have a special relationship. He tells me the truth because he cares for. Me deeply not too. Not because I forced him too. He just stopped and gave me the sweetest gift...respect

lish the ex girlfriend

In other news I'm back in touch with my ex girlfriend. Alisha. We're talking more but I remember that break up it wasn't pretty. She already made me an option once. She apologized and says that she misses me but I haven't responded and I'm scared to go see her I'm not sure I want those old feelings back

jay the breakup of a friendship

Just asked Jay something that had been weighing on my chest not even gonna lie I miss him but it'll never be the same. Just because u miss someone doesn't mean they belong in ur life

freddy and everybody

Im about to delete everybody's number I put my eggs together. And ended up alone for the past almost 2 weeks. I think Freddy's mad cause I said I wasn't coming over at 1am so he could fuck me ...oh well I keep telling him I'm no ones ho!