The power of a lost love

So I went to the e.r. The other day for a sinus infection but while there I witnessed a real life love story. The young guy being rushed in by ambulance had just fallen off a 20 ft roof  and his family sat praying in the waiting room two doors down...his girlfriend sat crying alone saying that she was upset because she'd never told him she loved him and now may not get the chance. I thought to myself "that fuckin sucks" to love someone who loves you back and never know. Thankfully my doctor told me the man would be okay but the thought behind the girlfriends tears stuck with me. Then I read my friends blog about her own shock at the sudden loss of a past lover. It's just driving everything home for me at this point. Then to add insult to injury there also happened to be an old man pacing the hallways who admittedly was kind of annoying until I saw why he was there, his wife of 67 years had a heart attack and no one was sure she would make it. He just kept asking the doctors and nurses if they had updates and finally when one particular nurse got annoyed with him he said "ma'am I'm sorry but that woman has been my back bone for half of my life so if I lose her count me out too" I sat up and looked out in the hallway he had tears in his eyes and shit so did I. Love is a simple thing but losing love is a very powerful thing. That's the kind of shock that can change your life. There is at least a 50 year old age difference between everyone I mentioned but they were all going through the same thing. What would they have done differently? Did they do everything they said they would? What would happen next if this person leaves for a better place? I want the kind of love that old man had for his wife but I don't want to wait to say it. If its in my heart it's coming out and I admit this could be dangerous but I'll be damned if I lose the love of my life tomorrow without saying what i need to say today!

The one that loves you or the one you love???

We've all heard the saying "never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will leave you for the one they love" and it is positively true! But what about the other side of that when someone loves you but you love someone else who may or may not have the same feelings...what do you do? The one who loves you should obviously be the first answer but what if you just can't bring yourself to be happy with them? Will it grow on you? Then there's always mr. Or ms. Almost perfect (there's just that one little thing that bugs the hell out of you) they don't love you but you are head over heels for them. I've been on both sides of the fence and I honestly can't say either way is best. You can either get stuck with someone you don't love for the rest of your life and they spend the rest of their lives miserably trying to make you happy...never gonna happen or you go and be with the one who you love and spend the rest of your life miserably trying to make them happy. Isn't there a happy medium where you love me and I love you I know some people find it but then there are some indecisive fuckers like me who aren't even looking the right direction! Smh sidebar yes I do love Freddy but we've been back and forth so many times and he's trying so hard now I feel like I'm not trying hard enough...sometimes life just gets in the way but is it for a reason?

friendlationships??? yea that's what i said

SHIT im falling hard...but thats another story. todays question my brain conjured up is have you ever been in a friendlationship? Yea me neither until recently I'd never heard of it.apparently its when you have a friend of the opposite sex you've done everything with except date. for those two ppl they are everything to each other,literally cant pull away from each other if they tried and most likely they have. they're opposites who have a lot in common he's not her type and shes not his but they're perfect compliments for each other. they drive each other and are utterly fascinated by each other. but they have never tried to be in a relationship because of other lovers, schedules, their past or simply fear of actually falling in love with each other. like could it be possible that the woman/man you swore would never be your mate is possibly "the one" and they've been right there the whole time. i mean sure they said they were happy you were with someone else but even then you end in each others arms and it doesn't feel like cheating. it feels like that's where your supposed to be. at what point do you venture into the unknown and find out if its really the love you've been craving? What ifs are no fun...does your heart jump when u see their smile? Do u get happy when they text u? If you needed someone would they be there? Are they beautiful to you even at their worse? Do you wish you had more time to spend with them? Then chances are you're in love with your friendlationship

learn from my mistakes

So I'm 28 now and while I'm still a baby by most accounts. I've learned a lot from the things I shouldn't have done but did repeatedly. I've let many men take advantage of me in different ways but the fact remains you can't do the same things the same ways and expect different results. I have learned to say no and grow some balls...if they leave they leave its truly their loss because I've seen what kind of woman I am and I'm pretty damn good. I've given money with nothing in return except to be forgotten about or shoved into the somebody category when the one I supported got on his feet and starts making his own money. does it hurt hell yeah but am I mad not anymore...im still going to be a big hearted person I'm not going to care any less but I will be more careful and I will demand respect as a woman I have every right to. I would like to know why men in their late 20's early 30's in particular feel like we owe them something as if they can have what they want but don't need to do anything in return. like I've heard that more than once this week. you can disappear when it's date night but when you want to get in my.bed its all about me yeaaaa no even if we accept it that does not mean we're dumb enough not to see what's going on or that we will accept your pathetic offer again. our heads are in the game too we just choose when to showcase it. Oh and being a friend first truly leads to amazing relationships I can stand by that but dammit ladies do not let these idiots get all the privileges of being your man while he's calling you his "friend" make him man up and call you what you are...his woman...once again if he leaves its gonna suck but there's someone whose waiting to make it better...until next time bye luvs. :-) sincerely in a happy place

don't forget the batteries

So I'm sitting here with teardrop and my roommate and we're discussing women and vibrators... yes this inspired a post. I personally have never owned a dildo, my treasure chest involves a lot of products for his pleasure and a few for mine like flavored lube, warming massage oil etc...but apparently I'm missing out. there's this thing called the butterfly it fits like panties but its a vibrator and it has a wireless remote so you can be at dinner and just hand him the remote and cum before dessert lol. when your roommate runs a sex shop you learn a few things. more male customers than female, more older women and all that jazz but I think shaking it up a bit never hurts no matter who you are. so get yourself to a store grab a vibrator, some flavored warming lube, candy bra, and some caramel flavored whipped cream and have blast tonight...don't forget the batteries :-) liberate yourselves babies

this year rthough! ewww

so about this year so far...Im not feeling it. Gotta be out of the house by the 30th which I guess is a blessing in disguise cause I didnt wanna be there anyway. I heard from "the ex" aka CJ thats new again and then nothing again for 4 days and counting. Im really just thru! I dont wanna be an afterthought. I've always had that problem because I put my all into ppl when they put their all into me if Im an option to you then just assume Im pretending when we speak and you're an option to me. i want to settle down im ready for a family and a husband just to be real. i'm too old to be doing friends with benefits and boytoys now. If we're friends who have sex occasionally then thats all it is Im done being in love with men who arent in love with me. I want someone who owns my heart not just renting. speaking of which Freddy has been on point lately he's been there for me throughout this whole thing and oddly enough we went to a movie together a few days ago which is more than we've done and closer than we've been in 7 years. It makes me see him in a totally different light. There are more important things in life. Like finding somewhere to live and paying for my daughters birthday party. Im changing gyms too just ready for a change in my life Im not young wild and free anymore but it doesnt mean my life is over its just time for me to grow up...

Its been a minute

Sooo one of my friends told me I havent been posting enough but truthfully I have just been busy with life. I got laid off for the 2nd time in 2 years, my car blew a head gasket and my roommate is getting on my last nerve to the point where I'm not even home a lot and if I am Im in my room. I feel bad because she has been a big help to me and my daughter. She watches my daughter for free and we dont pay any rent at the house I just pay some bills here and there and help out where I can with food and gas but Im not just a leech she drives my car about 500 miles a week for work and I have to do all the repairs. That right there should be enough but no she also has a daycare that is running 24/7 yes 9 kids in and out of our house all the damn time Im tired and sometimes I just dont feel like dealing with other peoples kids. Now that Im working again I really dont feel like waking up early to watch one of her kids that comes before she gets home or going home and not being able to sit in my living room because there's 2 kids sleep or watching tv in there. I know thats how she pays the rent and bills but shit its annoying I dont really wanna buy food for the house because she gives it all to the daycare kids. I mean she makes good money at her night job just get a cheaper place! Oh and her neice who is pretty cool has my roommate washing her clothes every week Im not paying the water bill for that. I think she is so desperate to help everybody she is running herself into a hole and its beginning to piss me off because this is affecting my life. Did I mention there are 5 cats in the house too?! So yeah there's cat hair everywhere(except my room),cat food all over the kitchen making it look dirty,and there's always 10 eyes watching me or begging when I eat. I just dont like it anymore so every little thing bothers me. So Im looking for somewhere else to go.Oh and the ex that Im dating again just took like a week off from the relationship Im talking no calls or texts and no responses. He says he was stressed and had a lot on his mind that he just didnt feel like dealing with...cause I dont know what that feels like.His old phone is off and he felt like an apology and a few i love yous would do the trick but he doesnt know I've been damaged by that now I just want stability and action I dont care money or how much you've done for me in the past I look at the present and truth be told nobody is doing shit for me right now. BTW Jay has a new "friend" and I'm just praying for that girl. Im hoping he finally realizes the errors he made in the past and does right by this one although she's in the same pattern as the rest..."oh she's just a friend", "she's interesting"(they all have been), and jumping right into one after the other. I dont hate on him I just dont want him to be "that guy" the one no woman trusts because he's always looking for something better. I've been on both sides of that fence and it never works out...OH IS IT WRONG THAT I STILL MISS FREDDY? I just know he's not ready for our relationship...until next time FML